Posted by: karenparmer | February 13, 2009

My Love/Hate Relationship with Valentine’s Day

I am not much of a Valentine person.  Maybe I am almost “anti-Valentine.”   I am a hopeless romantic.  I am madly, passionately in love with my husband, I just don’t love Valentine’s Day.  I always feel so sorry for those guys you see in the store.  Those “last minute” kind of Romeos.  They know that if they go home empty-handed they are screwed.  (and not in the way they would like….)  They would buy out Bath and Body Works or the flower shoppe just to make it home with the gift that says,”see I remembered.”  Its funny because I must have unknowingly passed on my feelings about Valentine’s Day to Katie.  (So sorry, Chad, but think of all the money it will save you.)  I think there is a ridiculous amount of money spent on candy that’s not good (any candy that comes in a small heart shaped cardboard box that says assortment ~ not edible!!), roses that will wilt right away, slinky synthetic fabric lingerie that you cannot wait to take off (maybe that’s the whole idea), overpriced cards where big red hearts spring out and  actually “talk to you.”, etc. etc.    Maybe its because I am the luckiest -girl-in-love-in -the-world.  But I don’t need any of the above to let me know that Dan loves me.  And he doesn’t need a card, a sleeve of golfballs, a pair of red underwear with hearts, etc. to know that I am the Valentine he’s stuck with for life!!!


Maybe because I was tall, skinny, (back when skinny wasn’t cool, guys called me “Zipper”) uncool,  not too cute, etc, etc. I think I always dreaded Valentine’s Day in High School.  Maybe that’s where my phobia comes from.  There’s nothing like Valentine’s Day in High School when you are “unattached.”  (a nice way of saying….no boyfriend.) 

My favorite memories of Valentine’s Day are the ones I spent teaching Kindergarten.  We used to make little Valentine “mailboxes” and then at the end of the day, the kids passed out their Valentine cards.  It was so much fun to see them open them.  We always had lots of fun because the little children were just sure that the Valentine Cards were handpicked for them.  (And this was back in the day when Kindergarten Kids couldn’t really read-now they have to know a gazillion words by the end of Kindergarten)  They just got the biggest kick out of me reading those silly things to them.  AND of course, some of the really cool moms attached good candy to the Valentines!!!!   Good times!

But so as I don’t go down as a Valentine Grinch, I want to write about why my Valentine has passed the test of time and why every day is Valentine’s Day when you live with the absolute love of your life, your one and only soul mate…..

My Dan and why I love him more today than the day I married him:

1.  He always has a handkerchief in his pocket.  I never have tissues even though my mother  always told me “never leave home without one.”  I don’t know how many times he has given me his handkerchief and I cried and wiped nasty mascara all over it.  When the meltdown is over, he just quietly puts the hanky back in his pocket.

2.  He thoroughly checks the house every night for monsters.  I know that if I go to bed with every light on, he will go around, turn them off, check the security system, lock the door, blow out the candles I have left lit…..(more than once I am sure he has saved our hourse from burning down.)  I love candles and he now knows before turning in at night to turn off the lights and look for that little glow…..

3.  He gave my children the best gift a man can give his children.  He loves their mama.  Nuff said.

4.  He NEVER expects me to cook dinner.  He always asks, “Can I stop and get something for dinner?”  “Do you want to meet somewhere for dinner?”  Now, don’t get me wrong, he wants to eat every night.  He just doesn’t expect me to be the one that makes it happen.  (Actually my cooking has been so bad lately, he probably HOPES I’ll say “just pick something up.”

5.  He has never dropped his underwear, dirty clothes, etc. anywhere except the clothes basket.  (I don’t recall him “doing the laundry.  I am actually a little OCD about the way laundry is done, so don’t want to make him into too much of a saint.  I am the laundry fairy, I just don’t have to look too far to find it.)

6.  We share enough of the same interests to keep it fun, but not too many to get in each other’s way. Dan loves golf.  I love to shop.  He gets out of my way almost every Saturday so that I can go shopping if that’s what I want to do.  AND he patiently looks at all the purchases I brought home and listens to all the great bargains….and I try real hard to listen to him say, “well I did real well on the first nine…….then something about birdies, bogies, etc…..”

7.  We love our friends.  And what a gift they are.  My best girls are married to Dan’s guy friends  or maybe I should say Dan’s best guy friends are married to my girls!! 

8.  We love our family.  I got the best set of in-laws known to man when I married Dan.  Dan always joked that if we got divorced, his parents would choose me.  My mother-in-law would have complimented me if I had shown up with a bird nest on my head.  She would have said how pretty the eggs were!!!  My family loves Dan.  AND THOSE KIDS we SHARE….well there’s nothing in the world Dan wouldn’t do for either of them…….(and now the list includes, “Don’t mess with my son-in-law or grandson either.”)

9.  He has been so supportive and “there for me” during the last six-seven months when I have been dealing with my health issues.   It has been hard for him too.  Sometimes I think its harder for the “other one” when someone isn’t feeling well.  (He has been carrying an enormous load at work, this economy has made it so difficult in the real estate business.  He cannot sleep at night because of having to cut positions, make decisions that impact people negatively, etc. etc) 

Marriage is a relationship where when one weeps, the other tastes the salt.  And my dear Valentine has tasted lots of salt lately.

10.  Dan is not a saint, not am I a “saintess.”  Is that a word.  But together we are blessed beyond measure. God has blessed us in spite of all our short comings! And now it is almost dinner time and I hope to hear from Dan telling me he is on his way home…….and I will once again be confronted with the age old question I ask myself everynight…….”What’s for dinner?  “

(I am thinking carry out from Carraba’s sounds good tonight….)



  1. This was a WONDERFUL post! And I am with you on the Valentine’s deal! We do not make it much of a big deal around here either! But to keep in good spirits………Happy Valentine’s to a wonderful wife, mother, grandmother and friend!

  2. Okay, seriously, when ARE you going to write that book???? I want to buy one!!!!!

  3. Karen, what a beautiful love story. I appreciate what you said about your friends, we have all been so blessed. Please know that my prayers are with you and I will see you when I get back.

    Love, Gail

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