Posted by: karenparmer | December 25, 2009

2nd annual Electronic Christmas Card

This is my second annual Christmas Electronic Christmas Card.  If you read last year’s version, then I am sure you have eagerly awaited this current recap of our year.  Without further ado, I give you the Parmer Christmas Card…

I can finally relax and take it easy as I anticipate my favorite holiday of the year.  I have been busily preparing things all year that would make our family holiday home gleam with the excitement of the season!

Earlier this year, I felt the urge to create a Christmas that was green, environmentally smart, thus reducing the carbon footprint our family is leaving upon this earth.  In an effort to save electricty I decided to light our home only with candles for the entire month of December.  I hand sculpted candles to represent each member of my family.  I have been busy molding candles for months.  Dan’s candle is burned down to the waist.  Matt’s candle will not stay lit.  Katie and Chad’s candles burned down and dripped all over the carpets, and as for my candle, its half lit….sort of like my state of mind this whole season.  I have several other hand molded candles that I absolutely refuse to light until Christmas Eve.

I was so glad to see Pillsbury flour was buy one, get one free last week at Publix.  I have been getting up before dawn every morning and sprinkling flour all over my front lawn to recreate the beauty of freshly fallen snow.  I hand dipped the family dog in a mixture of Karo syrup and powdered sugar to make him look more festive for the season.  I was told by my vet that the procedure would also make him smell better.

Last week, I sawed down the legs of some of the dining room chairs.  I so want my guests to all be at the same eye level as we have our traditional Christmas Eve dinner in our lovely home.  I started getting ready for this special dinner early last winter when I purchased a baby turkey and raised him on the deck for the last year.  Our family has grown quite fond of Ralph as we so affectionately call our pet turkey but Dan will most likely wring his neck early Christmas Eve morning so I can begin to dress him for our dinner.  I will stuff him with truffles that I personally dug out of the ground. To complement this meal, we’ll enjoy the organic vegetables I grew all summer in containers made from recycled diapers.  My new motto is “once you go green, you never go back!!!”

It would not be Christmas without my usual philanthropic efforts.  I have always said, “that to whom much is given, much is expected.”  So in an effort to make a difference this blessed Christmas season, I have gone to Phipps Plaze three mornings a week and offered to carry packages for the shoppers making purchases at Nordstroms and other high end stores.  I also personally walked up and down West Paces Ferry Road, knocking on each door and asking if the residents had all they needed to make their Christmases merry and bright.  I was offered three nanny jobs, two maid jobs, and a chauffer’s position.  I am always more than happy to give my services to those in need.

The brightly wrapped gifts under my tree were each hand selected by Dan and me on our many travels abroad this year.  We purchased hand painted beer steins in Germany for our friends, a beautiful kimona from Japan for Katie and my mother, for Chad I purchased an orignal copy of the Dead Sea Scrolls, and for Matt….well what to get the baby boy.  I finally decided on a mail order bride from Russia. Her name is Katiya and she is going to arrive next week on a freighter.  The government  bureau we worked with in Russia said she was fluent in English and loved to sew her own clothes.

Well, we are off to another  magnificent holiday parties.  The invitations and the phone never stops as so many people desire our companionship at this blessed season. I am sure our many holiday activities will be written up in the society section of the National Inquirer. We’ll be happy to autograph any copies you bring to us.  Of course, we’ll ask for a donation that we can forward to one of our favorite charities, “Save the squirrels.”

Until next year, we wish you and yours a very

Merry Christmas

the Parmers

 

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Responses

  1. You just make me laugh!!! Merry Christmas!!


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